State of Confusion

I must admit I have a hard time listening to President Dubya for a 30-second sound bite, let alone nearly an hour. Whenever I see his shifty eyes or hear that voice on television, a weird, uneasy feeling washes over me. It’s the same feeling I get when I’m about to peel a Band-Aid off my skin. I want it over quick.

But there I was Tuesday night perched upon my couch awaiting one historical moment after another.

Each was less riveting than the last.

Still, this was the moment I had been waiting for since Tom Foley sat behind President Clinton during the State of the Union Address. Finally, once again, a Democrat sat in the coveted and powerful, leather chair. And this time, for the FIRST time, it was a WOMAN. Hooray! Bra burners unite.

After House Speaker Nancy Pelosi briefly introduced the President with some pleasantries sprinkled on top, it was the President’s turn to speak (Oh joy).

“And tonight, I have a high privilege and distinct honor of my own -- as the first President to begin the State of the Union message with these words: Madam Speaker.”

While Pelosi practically leaped out of her seat to meet the wild applause, I half expected to hear Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” blasting through the chamber

What you want
(oo) Baby, I got
(oo) What you need
(oo) Do you know I got it?
(oo) All I'm askin'
(oo) Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home
(just a little bit) mister (just a little bit)

After I emerged from my quick karaoke fantasy, I watched Pelosi carefully and with a smile on my face. What an achievement, I thought. What poise. What a lovely shade of green. What the heck?

As Dubya mumbled in the background (Seriously. You know most eyes were on Pelosi, he was merely background noise.), it happened. At first I thought our new Speaker was chewing gum. But I kept watching. Occasionally, it stopped. Then she did again. Only stranger.
The President said something about working across the aisle. (Hmmm, maybe I missed him tripping on the carpet on the way in to the chamber.) Then he said something about low unemployment and low inflation and oh yeah, something about higher wages (Clearly, he hasn’t studied my paycheck). But Pelosi’s face was still in the frame. Her lips moved toward the right of her face, sort of crooked.

At times, it’s true, she did smile that brilliant smile. But with each minute that passed and with each Bushism she had to digest with the world watching her, the stranger it got. Bush continued talking about this and that and something about sending 20,000 more American soldiers to their deaths in Iraq (No, he didn’t mention sending the twins.) He said something about fighting AIDS and gave obligatory props to several stand-out Americans. (By the way, how can you not LOVE the Subway hero? I think he actually mouthed “You’re the man,” to the President.)
After all that yammering by Bush, I finally figured out what was up with Pelosi. She wasn’t sitting there chewing gum. She was chewing on what Dubya was saying. Not only that, I think at times, she was actually eating her face.

My only conclusion - because I have the utmost respect for the woman - is this was the result of holding in all that booing. Perhaps it would’ve been better to let it all out. But hey, Bush did say something about conserving gas.